You don’t have to think.
You don’t have to shoulder responsibility for decision-making.
You don’t waste time analyzing things to bits.
You don’t ever rock the boat.

Because you have no choice.

Nice.

If what i heard is true, then I want you to know this:
Don’t feel guilty towards me.

I don’t hate you. Neither do i dislike you.
I do not hold grudges against you. The precipitating circumstances under which things occurred were understandable.

It’s just that i couldn’t rein in the emotional with the logical. I didn’t talk much to you nor pick up your attempt at conversation some years ago because i had too much emotional baggage. These are things that i had to work through.

I wanna discard these emotional hindrances and move on.

I think i am ready.

I can’t believe that i am thinking about this small matter.

If i let it go (remain status quo), would knitting mate be upset?
If i don’t let it go (hunt the magazines down), how much hassle or ill-will is that going to create?

Small matters. Why do i need to think about you…

When i first set out to do the COG, i wasn’t thinking of an art piece or an extremely well-written book with perfect English. I was thinking about providing information that would help those who are coming out, together with references. And tools that help them think about myths and critique claims. These are the objectives of the book.

I am thankful to the contributing writers who took time (and what a lot of time!) to write, read and comment. The editor had the hardest job of all. Re-reading something repeatedly is a pain in the ass. I didn’t even want to read the book after i decided the content is okay! Without the editor, things would be worse off. As long as the book is readable and understandable (that includes ‘not replete with grammatical errors’), i am happy. I am more concerned about the content more than anything else.

For those of you who are displeased with the design of the book… fly a kite.
… Oops.
I mean… write, design and disseminate another COG. The more COGs we have that are credible, the better it is for struggling folks. Self-help books, the bible and what not come in different versions anyway.

Let’s just say that the design of the book made the content more accessible. That’s the first step – being able to read it. Not everyone likes reading journal articles, where words crawl like ants for miles at a font size of 8. (I was, at first, quite inclined to put readers through it. But i have since converted.) With the amount we were able to spare (which is just a few hundred out of our pockets), the images were the best we could have gotten.

As for impact…
If it impacts one person positively… if it can clear the confusion in one person’s mind… if it can save one person from being beaten up at school one time, i wouldn’t have called the efforts wasted. Because even one person matters. Even one episode of homophobic attack matters.

Now that’s not to say i don’t care about grammatical errors or other annoying stuff. There’s a version 2 we have in mind. Please do point out section, page, paragraph if you see such annoying stuff. If you see any erroneous information, alert us immediately. After all, if you cared sufficiently to read the book and to tell us it’s impactful or not, i would assume that you are acting as a watchdog for the benefit of readers right?

Yes, we need more editors (why overload one unfortunate soul).
And yes we can do with more writers.
And yes, we can have more designers.
So please volunteer your superior services to our community (have a heart for those fumbling with coming out, would you?) for the next help-book.

Many parts of it made me laugh. They made a mockery of self-important people. Such as people who need to retain a sense of control. How so many people reason in a circular manner. It makes no sense at all… yet they thought they made plenty of sense.

Then it came to the bit about the little prince and his love affair with the vain rose. He thought she was beautiful and unique (because in his tiny planet, she was the only flower). When he later traveled to earth in a fit (the rose was emotionally manipulative and wasn’t clever enough to pull it off), he discovered thousands of roses and he was disappointed. After all, it’s owning something unique that elevates your *princely* status, isn’t it?

The wise old fox later taught the little prince that his rose is important and unique not because there is only one of her. But because of all the time he wasted on her… watering her, removing caterpillars from her leaves, sheltering her from the cold etc. And since he has ‘tamed’ her (which i read as developing a relationship with her), he is now forever responsible for her. Of such paramount importance was that responsibility, he seek to return to his planet quickly, discarding his body in the process.

Maybe you think the prince having a little rose all to himself is the most romantic thing in the world.

… But it isn’t.

The little prince loves the rose because she happened to come along. The rest of the roses were out of reach (unattainable). It wasn’t anything about her that made him love her. It was the idea of sunk cost. How romantic is that? The taming of the fox follows the same logic. Spending time, developing longing, fulfilling longing, creating memories… which all boils down to spending time. There it is – sunk cost.

I buy the theory – with objects.
When i work on an art piece and give it away, it’s my time and effort that make the gift special. Not because my workmanship is so superb (i do correct mistakes whenever i spot them, but you never know if i missed any).

I don’t buy the theory with people.
This story contradicts my fundamental belief that every person is unique. Whoever i love(d) is unique. I will never find any other same person in the world and beyond. And i am unique. You will never find any other me ever. Each person’s uniqueness made that period of together time special. Therefore, i ain’t no prince’s rose.

And because each person is unique, there is nothing to regret… no matter what bad times there may be. (Yes, i know there are exceptions… but generally, this is true.) The little prince story brought out this last bit of my belief. That memories are a gain from having a relationship. They make the mundane things beautiful.

But i am grappling with the idea that the tamer (wittingly or not) is responsible for the tamed. What if someone happen to appear routinely somewhere because of some other matter and foxES are tamed? What if someone happen to care about plants in general and therefore watered all the roses along the way whenever possible? (*The foxes and roses being unique over here!)

It’s always tender when people give their hearts. Because a heart that truly yearns for you is a fragile one. It’s also an honor when people give you their hearts. Therefore, always tend to such situations with extra care. Nevertheless, the question needs to be answered: just how far does that responsibility go?