Posted in Family of Anj on July 9, 2008 | No Comments »
I went for a first session at counseling and care center yesterday… and in relating the two incidents, i found some details fuzzy [like what exactly was i thinking]… and the emotions, though muted, have not completely gone away [i know exactly how i was feeling though]. I will probably need to bring my diaries [...]
Posted in Family of Anj on June 30, 2008 | 4 Comments »
Sis: Sis are you ever coming home?
I: What’s the situation at home?
Sis: Normal.
I: Then why do you needa ask me if i’m coming home? Don’t think mum wants to see me.
Sis: Ok then. I see that i shouldn’t be ask about you and that basically i am pretty much worth nothing. Even though we said [...]
Posted in Family of Anj on June 19, 2008 | No Comments »
Over the hoo-haas with Mum, Dad and Sis finally stepped in with advice.
Dad, “You are not coming home anymore…? Mummy talks about you everyday… where got mother don’t want to see their daughters?… She has pride…”
“She’s waiting for an apology,” Sis told me, “Just say sorry to her… she’s just like that.”
Both told me, “You [...]
Posted in Family of Anj on June 10, 2008 | No Comments »
A sister on holiday means that i get to run off without reservations.
Posted in Family of Anj on June 5, 2008 | No Comments »
Mum: 有想过，为什么怕我重提前事。逃不是好事，解决不了，伸赦免了罪。我又能逃去那里，静心面对。-2.16pm’
I: 我逃避的是你，不是神。我依然和神聊天，依然会上教会。这不会改变。我们被彼此的观点夹得伤痕累累。你我都不回变。你我都辛苦。既然如此，我们应该少聊。我在家有很大得压力。觉得即使很开心，也不知道几时会被飞镖中伤。你常话中有话。少沟通一点，可能磨擦较少。-3.35pm
Mum: 我不喜欢的，就是观点，压力问题，那有沟通，我也没作什么，丽婷*就有沟通吗？我们不是同体，不明白事理，太敏感，不可能世界都通性恋吧！不必回。-5.52pm
*前女友
Translated as:
Mum: Have you thought of why you fear my bringing up of past incidents? Running away is not a solution, God has forgiven your sin(s). Where can i run to? (I have to) face it calmly. -2.16pm
I: I am running away from you, not God. I continue to chat with God, [...]
Posted in Family of Anj on June 5, 2008 | No Comments »
Dear Mum,
If i ever malfunction…
… it’s because of your sure erratic homophobic comments.
Cannot be anticipated.
When it is too late to erect a shield.
Cannot be defended.
Where logic has no ground.
Cannot be refuted.
Where the legitimacy of science is a myth.
Cannot be avoided.
When my presence is needed now.
[But i am making substitute plans.]
Posted in Family of Anj, Girlfriend Kai, tagged homophobic parents, religious parents on June 5, 2008 | No Comments »
… is not worthy of your read.
Posted in Family of Anj on June 3, 2008 | No Comments »
A friend asked me how i am this morning, having read about my mum and all.
Well, i just went grocery shopping in the morn. Nothing changes… the usual goes on. Whenever something doesn’t happen her way, i get branded “heartless” or “without conscience”. But in the morning, she gets a faithful call for the grocery [...]
Posted in Family of Anj, Girlfriend Kai on June 2, 2008 | 2 Comments »
When i was much younger, my mum was often bullied by the external family for having a poor education and little financial resources.
The sneaky things they did were amazing.
Like not giving her an equal portion of tonic soup, the only given so. Or making verbal references to denote her inferiority. Such things were fleeting and [...]
Posted in Family of Anj, Girlfriend Kai, Set Anj thinking... on May 26, 2008 | 2 Comments »
In the past week, i was faced with a tug of war. Sometimes i feel like i am trying to cater to this few people who need me. And it frustrates me when both parties demand for my presence at the same time.
Where is the balance?
On that Tuesday, a sudden call from my Mum [...]
Posted in Family of Anj on May 26, 2008 | No Comments »
My sister has disappeared to China for 10 days on a school trip.
The house became a little lonelier without her adroit caricaturing of her fellow schoolmates. She paints a wickedly funny picture of her project mates. And we do roar along. She has a knack for turning her miseries into fountains of laughter- for her [...]
Posted in Family of Anj on April 23, 2008 | 3 Comments »
A few people have told me… that if this situation continues, my Mum is going to lose me.
Which reminded me…
My Mum has asked me several times during our heated arguments, “Do i raise my children just to give them away when they are older?” In another instance, she mentioned that if my partner is male, [...]
Posted in Family of Anj on April 23, 2008 | No Comments »
Why do you pretend that you are not reading my blog when you are?
Posted in Family of Anj, LesbianGayTransgenderBisexualQueer on April 23, 2008 | No Comments »
She said that i am throwing myself into this [gay] circle.
What does “throwing” mean?
Is it an extra large portion of my life?
Identity? [My identity hierarchy is a good gauge of the answer to this question.] Time spent on gay events? Time spent reading/watching gay stuff?
I am guessing she meant gay friends.
Why is it that the [...]
Posted in Family of Anj, LesbianGayTransgenderBisexualQueer on April 23, 2008 | No Comments »
Just when i thought things might be better…
… it came again.
.
.
I am getting sick of reading my own words… and i figure I don’t learn my lessons well.
Am i really so desperate for her love and acceptance? It makes me wonder.
That i would finally resume coming home earlier, taking lunch and dinner in the house… [...]
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