Running through my diaries gave me a concoction of emotions.
I was amused, saddened, horrified, enlightened…
Relationships start exciting.
The longing. The guessing. The pursuit. The biased enlarging of common ground.
Everything is seen through rose-tinted glasses – This is the point where everyone claims they will be able to stomach whatever negative attributes you told them of yourself. [I am serious; these are copied SMSes.]
Some time later, the glasses lost its shade of pink. You begin to see differences. Sometimes it’s a result of overestimating one’s ability to cope with the negative attributes. Sometimes it’s the result of those attributes manifesting itself only some time after the relationship started.
These are so typical. These are what relationship experts wrote about.
I used to think that i would bypass all that guessing by telling would-be partners all my negative attributes [which all of you know]. Then there would be no surprises.
Fat hope.
Knowing in theory is not quite living it. So we are all back to square one. Back to the same cycle of rose-tinted evaluations, happy get-togethers, roughing it out when differences are truly seen etc. If both parties compromise sufficiently and remain happy, they stay together.
You still got me, you typical cycle of romance.
My lamb used to ask me whether i am over my ex if it still upsets me every time i think of her. Maybe i can say i am over her because i won’t ever imagine being with her again. But i always marvel at the pace in which the relationship deteriorated. I know it’s possible… we have seen dramas… but i still ask the same question in disbelief.
I think my idea of relationships is slowly morphing.
It’s not enough to fall in love. Falling in love is the first step, yes. But it’s important what the other partner brings with her. Three things i see as most important: Reconciliation with the self and God, acceptance [or good tolerance] from the family and the ability to do things together. Having the ability to do things together consists of many things like time, financial wherewithal, common interests and physical ability. Having these as a basic foundation facilitates growth of the relationship.
So every time my lamb wonders if i would go away, i would be amused. Because she has so much to offer, and yet she doesn’t know it. Her accepting parents, our living arrangements, the presence of several common interests… all these made things easy. These, combined with being the most romantic lover i ever had, is a potent combination to keep any partner happy.
