Militant Christians
December 30, 2007 by Anj
Today, immediately after church, kai and i had the honor of being escorted from the overflow room to a windowless tiny “prayer and healing room” by a lady usher. When i said escorted, i meant the lady usher was holding on firmly to kai and I. Pastor Matthew wanted a word with us. The well-furnished room was empty, but for the lady usher, the pastor and us.
He stood before us in a formal suit, his body tall and broad, between us and the door. The lady usher on his right, quiet and petite.
“Hi, i am Pastor Matthew. I suppose the two of you are new?” He shook Kai’s hand.
“No, i am not new.” I answered.
“How long?”
“I have been attending this church since 1999.” I replied. “I know you, Pastor Matthew. You have been a pastor ever since i stepped in.”
“How long have you been saved?”
“I have been a Christian since the age of 5.”
Pastor Matthew asked me of Kai, “Is she a girl?”
I raised my eyebrows, “Is that not apparent…? I am a girl too. We are both girls.”
I needed to go to the washroom since before the end of service. But held out till the end of service. So you can imagine me having a high tide. Thought i could go to the washroom first. But he stopped me… Two seconds, he said. Two seconds sounds short. Okay. I held my bladder for longer.
He mentioned our behavior i.e. leaning on shoulders and holding hands. He asked, “Are the two of you in a relationship?” He elaborated- people were observing us and we are causing others to stumble through our display of affections.
I gave him a look of bewilderment, “How are we causing people to stumble?” A male usher outside shut the door of our room.
“Look at me.” He commanded.
“I have not taken my eyes off your face, Pastor Matthew.” I smiled at him and moved a step to face him squarely, less than an arm’s length away.
“Is there some kind of a relationship going on? I understand if you have challenges.” He continued. “I can show you scriptures from the bible… Are the two of you in a relationship… something more beyond friendship?” He pressed.
I gave him a light smile.
He raised his voice, “I mean are the two of you in a relationship?! Why can’t you give me an answer?!”
In response to his outburst, i asked, “Do i owe you an answer?”
“Yes, because you are causing people to stumble… If there is something going on, i have to arrest it… we can pray for you, help you…”
I raised my eyebrows again. “All i wanted is to listen to preaching. I don’t see how i am causing others to stumble.”
“Don’t eat meat in front of the vegetarians.”
I mulled over the sentence. And then it dawned upon me: eating meat in front of vegetarians would distress vegetarians. So i think what he’s asking for is behavior according to heterosexual norms. Okay, i think got that bit.
“Okay, i understand… Lots of girls lean on each other’s shoulders and hold hands. I lean on lots of people’s shoulders… next time if people ask, why don’t you just tell them that there’s nothing going on?”
He retorted, “Maybe i am living in the dark ages.”
“Probably.” I gave him a polite smile, “I really need to go to the washroom. Can i go now?”
———————————————–
She asked me, why couldn’t i just tell them we are together.
Because the ushers and other ministers would be roped into the room immediately and this session would drag for eons. It was a battle i didn’t deem worth fighting because the fight is not public and certainly not on a level platform. So if i can help it, i rather have it truncated. I didn’t want unfruitful trouble.
She asked me if i was trying to hide my sexuality.
No, i wasn’t. Because if i had told them we are only friends and there’s nothing going on, we could skip out from that windowless tiny room in two seconds. But i didn’t want to do that because that is untrue.
Am i traumatized?
No, merely angry at the way it was carried out- Escorting us firmly into the room in an aggressive manner and then trying to intimidate in manner and speech tone. It was rude to say the least.
Do i feel rejected?
No. People don’t bother me in this aspect. Christian fundamentalists once used the bible to say that inter-racial marriages are sin. Nothing human can shake my sense of His acceptance of me.
But then i gotten really mad… because i saw for myself the emotional impact of such an incident on another. And that makes me angry and indignant because it reminded me of the massive number of Christian gays who had killed or hurt themselves because of rejection from church.
What kind of a beast would put a living soul through such depths of emotional turmoil and still claim to walk in love?
Hi there AnJ,
I followed your link from Sayoni site. That was an insightful reaction you gave to your Pastor. I’m amazed by your ability to separate God’s love from his followers actions. I for one am unable to reconcile the actions of believers who proclaim to follow a God of Love and yet condemning others who are different.
I will peek around your blog for more insights - hopefully helps to understand further your unshakable faith in God’s love.
Peace,
Xiu
If someone said that to me, with that accusatory tone, I would tell that person to shove it where the sun doesn’t shine.
I would be so mad that i will never attend that church agn. Do u still wanna attend that church anj?
Jeez, he really said that?! I was attending my sis church today and did not pop there today…woah…we’ll catch up tmr ok…
and will you be going back there?
If i were you i won’t return to that church anymore.Geez.They’re so rude.
Wow. I’m not super shocked because there are churches like this but I am made sad reading this. It confirms my desire to be at an open and accepting church. I think your choice on not answering was good since they already had all their opinions.
i admire you for standing firm.
I would have put on a fight and tell that pastor that i am indeed in a caring, loving relationship with my GF, just like other heterosexual couples. All these said with the “i am so in love” look on my face.
When you walk hand in hand and lean on one another’s shoulder in love and believe honestly in your heart and mind that God is with you.
Then you stand tall and proud and free to reject the condemnation of any Pastor or any Church.
May the Peace of God be with you always
Hey folks, thank you for your comments and encouragement.
My only concern at this point is whether this is something done systematically. And i wonder what can be done if it is?
I intend to return to that church because of the preaching. It’s not the people that draw me; it has always been the word that draws. Similarly, i pay respect to good anointed preaching instead of worshiping the pastor blindly. The same pastor can make mistakes and sprout nonsense i.e. non-substantiated stuff. But a good preaching lightens the heart, encourages the soul and springs forth a river of life.
You can read Kai’s version of it:
http://monochromerainbows.wordpress.com/2007/12/31/barbarians-in-clothing/
I must say she has a lot more humor than i do.
i cant believe what the pastor said to you. goodness. i would not even entertain him. cheers to your courage.
Hi Anj,
It sounds strange to me.. its as if to say that you don’t mind listening to, say, Hitler giving a lecture, as long as the lecture lifts your spirit, you will even continue going to lectures given by Hitler, i.e. he or his Nazi gang get more supporters, as long as whatever is said continues to lift your spirit, despite at the back door he is shovelling Jews and gay people into the gas chamber?
Laughs. Me going to the senior Pastor’s lectures doesn’t mean he gets more supporters. It’s not me who makes a pastor or doesn’t. It’s God who raises leaders (and leaders ain’t perfect, even bible leaders).
And that analogy doesn’t sound quite right. Because the senior pastor doesn’t preach on homosexuality. Neither are persecution and condemnation his focus. I guess i don’t want to throw the baby out with the bath water.
Well anj do what u think its best for u. Think agn if u get harrassed a second time in future though. I know u have a mind of ur own. I attended lighthouse but that doesnt make me a fundi christian. I go to that church to worship God, i dont care abt the church or the pastor. But if the pastor gets overly homophobic, i might just leave the church. Lets see and all the best.
[...] chooses to attend the mega-church that she does, a church known to be homophobic. Especially when crap like this happens. Forget religious beliefs. Forget whatever the Bible says - could the pastor not have done [...]
Hey Anj, thanks for sharing this. It’s both sad and worrying to know that God’s people acted in such a manner, esp those in positions of authority. It doesn’t just show how much they are against homosexuality (when God isn’t), but it also shows that they (esp pastor matthew) do not actively seek to know God’s mind about current issues. If they did, with the recent public interest about homosexuality, they’d have sought God’s understanding about this issue through much prayer and bible reading, together with finding out what homosexuality and gay people are all about. I am saddened by this. May we all stand together, and work hard to educate as many as God places to cross our paths. I hope that you and kai will be alright the next time you go back there. Give me a ring anytime you need to talk…or vent..ha
hehe. Thanks!
Dear friends, you have been supportive.
This is shocking. Coming from a church that profess to walk in God’s grace, the behaviour from the pastor is totally unacceptable.
Good for you. I am an ex charismatic evangelical, and I have left the church for similar reasons. I do not see how two people in a loving relationship, no matter the genders, could cause someone else to stumble. It is bigotry in it’s worst form. Also, ask your Pastor to show you chapter and verse where a LESBIAN relationship is even mentioned as sin in the Bible. Hint: It isn’t.
Anj,
Totally applaude your stand on this and hope that you and Kai will continue to stand as examples to believing Christians out there that there is hope even when you are being oppressed by the seemingly “Guided by God” people out there.